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Do Away with Negativity

Hey there everyone and welcome to my weekly Vlog, my name is Victoria Obermaier and I am a career confidence coach and I Vlog weekly with some little thoughts and tips that you might find really helpful.  So we are moving into a month all about positive thinking which is absolutely up my street – I love all of this, it’s so important to have a positive mindset, not always easy, but really important because everything, if you think about it starts with a thought.   Everything that you see around you, everything that is around me, started with a thought in somebody’s head.  Somebody had to think about it before it became a reality.  So thoughts are really important, if you get your thoughts right, the rest follows.  So if you think that actually what you think is not important, you’re absolutely wrong, it’s vital and so if you’re negligent about what you think, then you are being negligent about your actions and that might sound a little bit harsh, but it’s the truth.  And so, we talk about the fact that thoughts create your reality, so thoughts create your feelings which create your emotions, which create your actions which create your outcome, so get hold of your thoughts, and you can get hold of your outcomes.  Which is brilliant – it just is encouraging because you are totally in control of your thoughts.  Don’t ever think for one second that your thoughts control you.  That is absolutely not true, you control your thoughts.


Okay, so be encouraged by that.  Right, now the first one that I want to talk to you about this week is being careful of negativity.  Now, I’ve worked really hard to avoid negativity in my life and I’ve made a conscious effort to do so, so I for example on Facebook I don’t have any negativity on Facebook, so I get rid of, get rid that sounds really harsh doesn’t it?  But, you know what I mean I kind of unfollow or unfriend people who I think are just negative, I mean I’ve been on some community pages and the only things people post on there is how annoyed they are with the youth of today and how bad the youth of today is, and it really bugs me.  And I was getting kind of like sucked into the negative conversation, I was seeing things that people were putting about young people and I was like starting to type you know defending the young, I’ve got 3 teenage daughters myself, I’m a former teacher – well I am still a teacher – so you know I love kids, I love teenagers and I think they get a really tough ride, so I’m there you know replying and I’m thinking hang on a minute, this isn’t helpful, this is really not helpful, so I unsubscribed from those groups because there was just too much negativity in it, it wasn’t serving me, it wasn’t helping me, it was just making me annoyed and it wouldn’t have changed anybody’s thoughts about the kids anyway, they just wanted to believe what they wanted to believe, and so I came out of those groups and I unfollowed them and I do that for lots of things.  I joined other Facebook groups thinking it was going to be brilliant and it turned out to be a really negative environment and do you know what I just have not got time for it.  I have not got time for negativity, I follow really positive people because they light up my day, they make me feel great, they make me see all the good things that there are, there is in the world, and there is lots, oh grammar – there is lots of good things in the world, but if we focus on all of the negative we’ll never see the positive that’s out there.


So I would really challenge you to think about this week, are you surrounding yourself with positive things, so do your friends have a positive influence on you for example?  Are they saying positive things or are they just one of those people that constantly moans about stuff, constantly moans about their lot in life and the state of the world, and their kids and all of that kind of stuff, their husband – do they constantly moan, and if they’re constantly moaning they are sucking the very life out of you, let me tell you.  It is not helpful all that negative energy that you are getting from them, is really destructive, so you can try a couple of things with that, if you’re – if you find that you’ve got some friends who are really negative you can change what they say to positive, so we call it erm in NLP they call it re-framing, so you can basically change what they say, so if somebody says oh the weather is really crap today isn’t it, yes but at least the gardens are getting some water – you know the thing you just kind of change it around to positive.  Now, some people might pick up on that, might pick up on your positive energy, the more positive you are, the more positive they are likely to be, but if they are really negative people they will resist that positivity, and that might be a time where you think okay, how much time do I actually want to spend with this person because they are not having a very positive effect on me.


So that’s quite challenging isn’t it?  Especially if you have been friends with somebody for a long time, but at the end of the day if they’re not making you feel good about yourself, why are you friends with them, that’s the question that you need to ask.  It’s more difficult when it’s family members and people around you, but again you can dictate the amount of time you spend with positive or negative people.  I mean I know what one I choose, I choose to spend my time with positive people and that’s it.


So, positive people can negate negativity, so I would unsubscribe from anything that’s negative that doesn’t serve you, that makes you angry when you read it, so have a think about that, have a think about the negative people that you surround yourself with and whether you may want to change that, have a think about your negative thoughts, now there’s a little exercise you can do for this, so you can write down – take a minute, 5 minutes whatever, write down all the thoughts you have within that timeframe, so set yourself a little timer if you like and just write down all the thoughts that you have within that timeframe.  Don’t overthink it, just let your thoughts roll and just write it down and then have a read over that piece of paper and notice how many of those thoughts are negative and how many of those thoughts are positive and that will give you a real clue about what kind of thinker you are.  Now if you, it’s fine, remember I say all we say we’ve got to start from a place of truth, if you find that you’ve got loads of negative comments, or thoughts that go through your head, then that’s good you know that you’ve got some work to do on your thinking and there are loads of things that you can do to change your way of thinking, so start from a place of honesty.  Think about what are my thoughts like, what are my thought patterns like and if you find that they’re really negative and there are lots of things you can do, you can start your day with gratitude, so you can list three things that you are grateful for every day and that will change your thought pattern, you can journal, that’s a really helpful one, write down your thoughts, that keeps you really away of what you’re thinking and makes you conscious of what you’re thinking.  So write things down in a journal, try and do it daily if you can, it’s really helpful and maybe ask other people to point out to you, if I say something I’ve done this with my clients – if I say something negative then hold me to account for that and let me know, because sometimes we’re so in the habit of saying things we don’t even realise it, so ask people to help you, ask people, tell people I’m trying to be more positive, and people will of course help you and especially if you’re surrounded by positive people, you will pick up on the kind of things that they’re saying.


So, just to summarise, negativity needs to be avoided at all costs, you can make a choice, you can make decisions, somethings okay might be beyond your control, but you are in control of what you follow on social media, what you watch on telly, the company that you keep, and the thoughts that you have.  You’re in control of all of those and decide to make all of those a positive thing and you will notice the difference I’m telling you.


Okay, so I hope you found that useful, if you want to make sure that you don’t miss any of these weekly Vlogs then you can subscribe to my You Tube channel which is Victoria Obermaier Coaching, or you can follow me on Facebook which is Victoria Obermaier Coaching, or Instgram of the same name and you can get hold of me by messaging, letting me know your thoughts, whether you find any of this helpful.  So thank you for watching and I will speak to you soon.

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