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Negative Self Talk

Hey there, my name’s Victoria Obermaier and I am a confidence coach, I’m a motivational speaker, and I’m a writer, I’m a proud owner of The Open Doors Club, which is a membership group all about building your confidence so that you can open doors that you thought would be locked for you forever.


Now, this, in this series of Vlogs I’m going to be talking about how we can get out of our own way and in this first episode I wanted to explore a little bit about self-talk and what that is, how we can recognise it and how we can do something about it, so it’s the little potted version of self-talk.  It’s not everything to do with self-talk but it’s just the things that you might find really useful.

So, self-talk is basically negative thoughts, it’s negative thoughts chatter that goes on in your head, you know that little voice, that little niggly voice that you can’t, that you can’t get rid of, that’s your little self-talk that’s your negative voice, the one that’s going on why do you think you could do that, oh my gosh look at everybody they’re looking at you, what do you think you look like today, seriously you’re not going to wear that are you?  You know all of that little chatter that goes on in your head, that’s your self-talk.  Self-talk like I say is negative thoughts and we might think, we might have been led to believe that we don’t have any control over our self-talk/negative thoughts.  That’s absolute rubbish!  That is not true, we have total control over those thoughts and that chatter that goes on in our head.  But before I tell you a little bit about how you can take control of that, let me just explore for a couple of seconds how self-talk and negative thoughts, what impact that actually has on your brain.


Now, negative thoughts produce chemicals, and those chemicals have a detrimental effect on your brain and one of the things that happens is it can actually, it’s been scientifically proven that negative thoughts and negative chemicals shortens your DNA.  Now if your DNA is short, now I don’t know all the scientific words for this, so bear with me, but if you shorten the DNA then you get rid of those receptors that allow you to express all of those good emotions okay?  So love, joy gratitude, you are inhibited because you can’t do that, because all of those negative thoughts, all of that negative self-talk has shortened your DNA and those receptors are being taken away.  But the good news is that the more positive thoughts you have, then the more chemicals that are released that actually lengthen your DNA and because your DNA is lengthened obviously there are more receptors, and that means that you are capable of demonstrating those positive emotions and of course as you demonstrate those positive emotions to others, then you get back what you put out, so the more positive emotions you put out, the more positive emotions you get back.


Okay, so in a nutshell self-talk has a detrimental effect physically on your brain, so you owe it to yourself and your brain to really get a hold of that self-talk, that negative self-talk.  Now the first thing that you can do with self-talk is to recognise you’re actually doing it, it might have become such a habit that you may not even recognise that you’re doing it because this voice has become such a companion for you that it’s just part of who you just think well that’s just part of who I am.  So what I would encourage you to do is to write down, just take a couple of minutes and just write the thoughts that go through your head, and then just be really honest, let the pen flow and then have a look back and just see how many of those thoughts are actually negative.  That will give you a good indication.  Maybe do it over the next couple of days, just you know when you are in different circumstances because, of course we can be positive in some circumstances and maybe quite negative in others.  So just as you’re, as you’re going about, I don’t know as you’re going through Facebook, social media, whatever, just write down the thoughts that come into your head, and recognise those negative thoughts.  Now if those negative thoughts are outweighing those positive thoughts, you really do need to get hold of them, because they’re having a detrimental effect on you and those people around you.


So, the ways that you can deal with that, that negative self-talk is by changing the language that you use, so if you’re used to using negative language, then I would encourage you to use positive language, so say for example all of the stuff that we’re going through at the moment, you know we’re in lockdown aren’t we?  All of that kind of stuff, so you can see it as an enforced lockdown, or you can see it as a retreat from the world.  It sounds contrite but it’s just a simple way of changing the language that you use, change the vocabulary even if it just starts in your head.  If you think okay I’ve got endless days ahead of me, you could change that thinking to I’ve got lots of opportunity to read some of the books that I’ve wanted to read for ages, or listen to music, or learn a new skill.  Okay, so it’s about the language that you use, and you are in control of that language, even if its just the language in your head for now, if you’re not feeling quite brave enough to express it.  Okay, so that’s one thing you can do.

The other thing you can do is use more positive language, so be really intentional about choosing the right words, that you want to say, so if you can’t think of anything positive to say, if you, sorry let me say that again, if you can only think of negative things to say don’t say anything at all.  Until you’ve started kind of changing the way that you think.  If it helps say positive things, even if it might feel a bit insincere to start with and it will do, especially if you’re used to saying negative things it might feel a little bit like oh this isn’t really me, I don’t really do this.  So, that’s fine, that’s fine because you’re just doing something new.  Just use some positive language, write down positive language, write down positive affirmations, write down in your journal some positive thoughts that you’ve been having, say 3 gratitudes every day, 3 things that you are grateful for because it helps you to focus on the positive, rather than the negative.


So I hope that was useful, I didn’t want to go on for too long, so negative self-talk you are absolutely in control, once you have recognised that you are doing it, there are several things that you can do about it, and you will notice a change in your outlook once you get hold of that negative self-talk.  Okay?  Hope you get on well with this, let me know how you get on, you can, you can get me on my social media, on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and right here on my website!


Okay?  Love you all speak to you soon.


Bye bye.

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