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Inadequacy makes us play small

Hi there, my name is Victoria Obermaier and I am a confidence coach, motivational speaker, writer and the very proud owner of, I always do that when I say very proud owner of a membership group called The Open Doors Club, we’re a new group, it’s growing, expanding, we’ll just, we’re going to kind of go with the flow with it and see how it develops but it’s for woman who want to feel more confident.  So if you think that the doors have been closed to you forever and you want to open them again, then the membership is absolutely the right place for you.  I’m really excited about it, and really curious to see how it’s going to grow.  So, we are in a season of talking about getting out of our own way and in this episode today I want to talk to you about the fact that inadequacy holds us back.


Now, I’ve been, this has been a bit of a thorn in my side actually for quite a few years, where I have allowed inadequacy to hold me back, the one major area where it really has had an impact on me and you may have heard me talk about it this in a previous blog, is where I perform in interviews.  I previously don’t, didn’t perform well rather in interviews.  I was kind of going to pieces a little bit, I would do that thing you know when somebody asks you a question and your mind just goes completely blank because you’re just totally panic, that used to be me in interviews, I had an absolutely disastrous interview because I’d already walked into that room feeling like I was inadequate, like all of the people that were sat in front of me, were better than me, which is absolutely such a complete load of rubbish, but it’s something I told myself at the time, that all of those people sat behind that desk were better than me.  I felt inadequate and so I performed really badly.  And subsequently in other interviews that happened to I would always walk in feeling, even though I was good at my job, and that I don’t mean that in a bragging way, I was good at my job, I’d been doing it a long time, I knew what I was doing, I was passionate about it, but when I walked into a room I assumed that people on the other side of the table were better than me, which is just so not true, and that feeling of inadequacy I carried with me for a long time, for years and it wasn’t until I started really working on my mindset and recognizing all of those things that I recognised that I was inadequacy partly, that was to blame for me not performing well in interviews and then, of course other areas, so inadequacy can keep us playing small.  So we might dip our toe in the water of certain things and then pull back because we think we compare ourselves to others around us, and feel like they’re better than us, we feel inadequate, we’re not equipped enough to be in this situation.  I don’t know enough to be in this situation.  I don’t know enough to be able to offer my help and my advice and particularly in the time that we’re in at the moment with this whole COVID-19 going on, I think we can all feel a little bit inadequate can’t we because we feel like ability to do anything has been taken away from us.  And I want to encourage you in this situation, but in, you know when we come out of this too, that that feeling of inadequacy does not serve you, I know that because once I got over that feeling I’ve been able to put myself out in front of people that I’ve never met, I’ve been able to do videos and podcasts and produce courses and all of that kind of stuff, and I couldn’t have done that if I’ve stayed in that place of feeling inadequate.


So, if you are in that place, at the moment then  would encourage you to go back and remind yourself of who you are, your uniqueness, the strength that you have, and actually to not compare yourself to anybody else.  We only feel inadequate if we compare ourselves to somebody else.  So I would encourage you not to do that, it’s really easy to do, but try not to do that.  This feeling of inadequacy that we might be feeling whilst we’re in this COVID-19 situation is completely understandable, but we just need to do what we can, there are things that we can do to help, we can, you know all of that stuff that we know like reaching out to people, who might be struggling, volunteering for food collections and prescription collections and things like that, so we can sit and wallow in that feeling of inadequacy or we can actually think I’m not going to allow that to stop me doing what it is that I want to do.


So as always, I say we have a choice and we absolutely do, sometimes it’s harder to make different choices, difficult choices, when its things that we are unfamiliar to us, but we are absolutely in control, you are in control of your own mindset and I just want to remind you of that.


Okay, I hope that was helpful, I hope that was useful, let me know, get in contact, you can find me across Instagram Victoria Obermaier Coaching, Facebook Victoria Obermaier Coaching, or right here where you can also find more information about my membership, The Open Doors Club, which will give you loads of really practical information, details about our Facebook group, and all of that kind of stuff, you can find out more, there’s a video on there that will give you some more details about the membership.


Hope you found that useful today, I love you all and I will speak to you soon.

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